True Friends

History has shown, that those, who throughout the years, have chosen the path of social detachment, have oftentimes fallen into the traps of futility, hopelessness, and despair.

Because, when one chooses to be alone in the world, he thereby rejects the mission, that G-d has given each and every human being: to make the world, and all of its inhabitants, a better and more divine place, specifically through social interaction.

This idea led the Talmudic Sages to exclaim: “Either friendship and peer study, or death!” In contrast, the second path encourages a person to battle solitude, by actively interacting with society.

The followers of this path hold, that a man must ‘go out of the bubble,’ and fully interact with his surroundings. Yet, despite the superiority of this approach, there lies within it two prominent dangers:

1. First, society can influence a person’s conduct negatively. Maimonides, the 12th Century scholar writes: “It is natural to be influenced, in sentiments and conduct, by one’s neighbors and associates.”

2. Second, if one is not morally and emotionally equipped, it is very easy to fall for the illusion of love, offered by the opportunists. Tiger Woods’s plunge, epitomizes the vulnerability of human beings, when faced with seducing exploiters, who wear fake masks of love and care.

Unfortunately, by the time Mr. Woods, and so many others discovered the real faces, behind the masks of their exploiters, it was all too late.
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The Winning Path
So what is the secret formula to human interaction? How can we mingle with society, without being influenced or exploited by it? Perhaps, the answer is found, in the fascinating biblical story of Joseph3.

When Potiphar’s beautiful wife allured Joseph, he strongly hesitated. But, at the last minute, he overcame the immense temptation, as a result of an omnipotent revelation, that suddenly captured his sight: “The face of his father, Jacob, appeared before him,” as Rashi’s commentary states 4.

It was the vision of his saintly father, that pulled Joseph back to his roots and values. This sheds light, on the exemplary education that Joseph received. The image of one’s father, does not appear to him by coincidence.

It can only appear, and have such miraculous effects, if it has been established in a person’s mind, over a long period of time, as a loving authority, that shiningly personifies G-d’s finest values and ethics.

Joseph’s triumph was a powerful testament, to his father’s extraordinary education; and a strong reminder, to all parents and educators, that education is not about the words you preach, or the love that you cultivate.

Rather, it is about the ethical values, that you embody; and the authority of divine morals, that you establish, deep within the conscience of your children and disciples.
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A Brilliant Advice to a young man a few years ago, a talented young man sought the advice of my dear mentor, world-renowned scholar, Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, on how he should grow and succeed.

“My wife says you’re skilled,” Rabbi Steinsaltz complimented the young man, a rising Rabbinic leader. “But be cautious, of the illusions that you may encounter. People will invite you to speak, and provide enjoyment and pleasure.

They will even smile at you, and pay you a decent compensation; but, at the end of the day, many of them really care for their own pleasure, more than they care for you.

Therefore, always surround yourself with a base of people, that really love you, and care about you. And it is that base, that you must cultivate and trust!”